Mortality
by gauze
Summary: Years after saving Tougenkyou, Goku has to watch while Sanzo dies. 39 if you look really hard. character death. COMPLETE.
1. chapter 1

Disclaimer: Yes, yes, Saiyuki is not mine, as much as I wish otherwise.

Author's notes: While it is never addressed in Saiyuki, the whole idea of this fic revolves around youkai aging much slower than humans. So while reading, please keep that in mind, otherwise, this will probably get a little confusing. It would also be good to remember that this takes place many, many, many years in the future. For simplicity's sake, we'll say 70.

Have fun, children : )

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            Goku was old – very, very old. It didn't really bother him though, he still looked like a young human. He still had young girls blushing and older women shaking their heads. He still had many, many years ahead of him. As the oldest, Goku felt it was his duty to reminisce, and often went to bars with Hakkai to do just that.

            Of all the times in his long life, the one Goku could never stop talking about was moment when he, Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo returned to Chouan Temple after defeating the Demon Ox King and restoring the other youkai to their more approachable forms. All four of the travelers were tired, and as Gojyo had put it, they all deserved to live the rest of their lives surrounded and cared for by hundreds of beautiful women. Sanzo had hit him for that. But Goku remembered Sanzo looking much more tired and worn out than the other three. Hakkai always said it was because he was human. They just didn't take things like fighting the Demon Ox King as well as youkai did. Goku had never taken that excuse seriously though. He was Genjo Sanzo. Fighting the Demon Ox King wasn't a big deal to him – he fought against three Gods and won.    

            Son Goku remembered that day as being the last one when he really saw Sanzo being alive. Ever since then, Sanzo breathed and walked and ate, but he didn't do it with the sane vigor and pride as he once had. He stopped complaining about having to preach and provide sermons, he seriously cut back on his drinking and smoking, and after a while he stopped all together. In Goku's eyes, Sanzo had stopped living.

            Goku did everything he could to muster up some kind of excitement in Sanzo. He mentioned becoming a monk. Nothing. He, even in his old and mature age, broke every temple rule he could think of. Nothing. The closest Goku ever got was when he suggested that he go and move in with Hakkai and Gojyo. Sanzo had just looked up at him, glared and said, "Stupid monkey, their house is too small for another person to be living there."

            After a point, Goku just couldn't deal with Sanzo emotional baggage any more. He spent a lot of nights out of the temple partying and visiting friends. And every time he returned, Sanzo just acted like he'd never left. 

            Everyday since then, Sanzo and Goku had slowly drifted more and more apart. Gojyo's pre-mature death and stopped the drifting for a little, but it resumed again after a few months. And now, Goku was walking down the halls of Chouan Temple in the middle of the night to visit the 93 year old, highly esteemed and respected Genjo Sanzo. When the door was opened for him and Goku stepped in, the four other monks in the room looked up at him and all quietly left the room. 

            After their return from defeating the Demon Ox King, the other monks in the temple actually stopped complaining about the monkey youkai that ate their holy fruit and dirtied their clean temple. Even though he and Sanzo were not as close as they used to be, Goku had helped to stop the resurrection of the demon king, so he was given nearly as much respect as Sanzo was.

"Goku… is that.. you?"

            Goku looked down at the futon and could barely see the old Genjo Sanzo under the covers. His hair has lost its golden shine and his eyes were glossy. Sanzo's skin was pale and the blue veins showed clearly through it. The once bright rid chakra, was now a darker color, similar to that of blood.

"It might be dark, but I know that you are there, stupid monkey. Sit down."

            Goku sighed and did as the old man said. Even though he had had a stroke just four days prior and could barely get out of bed, Sanzo was barking out orders to any one who would listen to him long enough.

"What it is, Sanzo? It's very late, you should be resting."

Goku could see Sanzo glare in the dark, "And when did you become my doctor, eh, Goku? Just shut up and listen." Sanzo's voice took on a deeper tone as he continued, "I really didn't know how to tell you all this, Goku. I was thinking of just making one of the young monks do it, but I figured that if I did, you'd just get upset and do something stupid like you always do. The doctor came to talk to me today." 

            Sanzo paused. 

            Goku figured he was supposed to say something, but he wasn't sure what Sanzo wanted him to say. Should Goku inquire about what the doctor said? Or perhaps he was supposed to assure Sanzo of his perfect health? But when Goku looked more closely at Sanzo to ask him what the doctor had said, he noticed that Sanzo had fallen asleep. His chest rose slowly up and down and he snored lightly. Goku resisted the urge to laugh and quietly excused himself from Sanzo's room and returned to his own.

            About four hours later, Goku was awoken by an apprentice monk who said that Sanzo demanded his presence immediately. It was just like Sanzo to wake people up from their naps. In Sanzo's room, he was greeted by the sight of the elderly Sanzo sitting up in bed sipping on some tea.

"Ya know, Sanzo, you woke me up,"

"Oh, boo-hoo. Shut up and sit down."

            Goku grimaced at this. Is was the second time that day that Sanzo had said something like that and before this day, Sanzo hadn't said it since the return to Chouan Temple. 

"I forgot to tell you what the doctor said. I couldn't stay awake."

"So? What did the doctor say, Sanzo?"

Sanzo sipped his tea and took a bite of a rice cake, "That it wasn't fatal. Just a thing that happens to most elderly people. He said I should be able to go back to work in a week."

"Sanzo! I'm so glad that you're going to be alright! I –"

"Shut up, monkey. I'm not going to be alright."

Goku wasn't really sure what Sanzo meant, "What are you talking about? You said the doctor said you would be alright!"

"He did, but an old man knows when his time is drawing near."

Goku couldn't believe he was hearing this.

"Last night, after I fell asleep, I had a very vivid dream. Tell me, Goku, do you remember early in our trip west when we were attacked by Shuu-, Rikudou? I dreamt of it last night. It was so vivid. The rain, his talismans, everything, Goku. It was like I was back there. I felt the staff pierce my stomach, I saw Hakkai healing me, I saw… I saw you turn into Seiten Taisei Son Goku. Your diadem shattered, your hair and nails grew. I hadn't seen it like that ever before, Goku. You really went crazy."

Goku had his head bent down with what was left of his bangs covering his eyes, "I… I was afraid you were going to die. I couldn't control myself."

"I know, I know. It's not like you killed anyone. I was the one that put Shuuei out of his misery. It's just strange, Goku. So much has changed since then. You've never had a reason to take off your limiter since the final fight with the Demon Ox King. And it's probably been years since you've had a real reason to summon your Noibyou. You've grown a lot since then."

            Goku looked down at his hands. All the blisters from fighting had now since healed and he kept his fingernail neatly trimmed. Around his 25th birthday, he'd traded in his childish diadem for a gauntlet he wore on his right arm. He'd lost the silly cape and shoulder pads and trimmed his hair short. Goku had done all of this long ago, was Sanzo just noticing it?

Sanzo noticed Goku staring seriously at his hands, so he threw a rice cracker at the boy, "Don't look so serious. Monkeys are supposed to be happy creatures. Now go frolic in the woods or whatever you like to do on sunny days."

Goku couldn't believe what he had just heard come out of Sanzo's mouth, "Sanzo! I'm not a kid any more! I don't frolic in the woods or anything like that. Jeez..." Goku stood up, "you've been acting weird ever since you had that stroke. Maybe you should get some more rest."

            Goku left Sanzo's room and walked around the temple for an hour. He didn't like the idea of Sanzo knowing that his own death would come soon, and doctor even said that Sanzo was fine. But then you had to remember that a lot of doctors in the region wouldn't tell a person that was about to die that they would. The doctors said it only depressed people more. Goku's feet were getting tired of walking around the same garden and kitchen of the temple, so he left and let his feet guide him. Goku spaced out while he walked. He tried to remember every little detail of each time he turned in Seiten Taisei Son Goku and inevitably, his feet took him to Cho Hakkai's residence.

            Hakkai had taken Gojyo's death especially hard, the two of them had been like brothers and were rarely out of each others company. Hakkai had barricaded himself in the house he and Gojyo had lived in and even refused to see Goku and Sanzo. After a month of being a hermit, Hakkai left his home and spent a year and a half retracing the group's path to the west. He brought back little souvenirs for Goku and Sanzo and seemed much better after his return. Unlike Sanzo, Hakkai had returned as Hakkai. The only difference in him was superficial – along the way, his monocle had some how gotten broken and the only replacement he could find in the village was a pair of glasses. Every time some one mentioned the loss of the monocle he would say that the very next day he was going to go get a new monocle – he never did. 

            Goku knocked loudly on the door and instantly heard Hakuryuu squeak and a few seconds later, Hakkai opened the door.

"Ah! Goku! What a pleasant surprise! Please, please, come in! Sit down, I'll go get something for us to snack on!"

            As Goku was sitting down, Hakuryuu flew over to him and perched itself on his shoulder and squeaked again. Hakkai came in with two beers and a few small cookies.

"So what bring you here?" Hakkai asked he handed Goku one of the beers.

            Beer was still something Goku considered to be new to him. While Gojyo had planned on it, he had never actually taken Goku to a bar for his first drink. Goku had his first complete beer about 20 years before and Sanzo had shit a brick over it for some reason Goku had never figured out. At a few big parties Goku had sneaked in a few sips and it wasn't until 5 years ago that Sanzo stopped caring about Goku's desperate want to drink alcohol.

Goku popped the lid to the beer, took a long swig, and said calmly, "Sanzo's dying."

Hakkai nearly spit out the cookie he'd been chewing on, "Dying, you say?"

"Well, he does. The doctor apparently said he was fine, but Sanzo…. Said that he felt his time was coming. How else can you take something like that?"

"And you don't think he's like being," Hakkai paused, "…dramatic?"

"I don't think he is. He's been acting really odd lately though."

"How so?"

"Well… he's been yelling and telling people what to do, and ….  And well… he's acting like he did when the four of us went to the west."

Hakkai sat back in his chair and scratched his chin, "I see… could anything have provoked this?"

"He had a stroke a few days ago. The temple hasn't told the public yet though."

"Understandable. I'm no doctor, Goku, but… it really could go either way. A lot of humans get sentimental if they get as old as Sanzo is. Him saying that he's going to die soon is like me saying I'm going to live for a long while long – it's obvious."

"But what about the personality thing? And earlier he told me he dreamed about the Rikudou incident."

Hakkai shrugged, "I'm not a doctor, Goku. Maybe he's dying, maybe he's not. It's hard to say with old humans."

Goku gripped the half empty can of beer tightly, "It's not fair."

"Hm?"

"…." Goku rocked back in the chair and balanced his weight on the back two legs of the chair, "Lot's of people look up to Sanzo. He's important. If he dies… well, the shit will really hit the fan. A lot of the people will be sad. I was just thinking…. It's not fair. I'm not an important person, but I will go on living, and will for a long time."

"Well, Goku… no one ever said life was fair."


	2. chapter 2

            Goku was doing everything he could to avoid going back to the temple. The only thing his previous talk with Hakkai had accomplished was to make Goku even more certain that Sanzo's death was near at hand. He'd spent the last two hours wandering around the town. Goku was hoping that something would catch his attention, and he'd stay there for many hours and by the time he was finished it would be too late to go back the temple and he'd have to go get a hotel room. Goku was certain that with his new outlook on Sanzo's short time left, he would not be able to face the elderly monk.

            But Goku had lived here for so long, that the town was no longer interesting. 

The main drag of the town started at the temple, went through the town and became the road that went into the country side. Goku was, obviously, walking away from the temple. At the end of the road, Goku turned around, looked down and road and could barely see the temple at the other end. He was loathe to work his way back down the road, he looked around for something to occupy him for something a little longer. His eyes fell upon a small hill, with a fence and gate – the town's cemetery. He hadn't been there for a long time, even though he had promised Gojyo at his funeral that he would visit him all every week. It had been at least six years since he had even thought of going to visit his friend's grave.

            While Goku didn't really want to go to the cemetery, he would rather do that than go back to Chouan Temple. He took his time getting there, ripping some wild flowers out of the ground for Gojyo's grave. Hakkai went every few days to the grave, so there were always flowers and sake at the grave, sometimes even a pack of cigarettes, and the tombstone was kept insanely clean. Now that Goku was actually at the grave and holding the wild flowers, complete with roots and dirt clump, he felt badly about putting the flowers down with Hakkai's neatly trimmed ones, so Goku chucked the over his shoulder and look down at the tombstone.

" 'Sha Gojyo… beloved brother and friend'… hm, I still think it should have said 'pervert and gambler' on it. That's what condemned you."

            After their return from the west, Gojyo got into some bad company and worked up some pretty bad debts. Fortunately, he always found some way to pay them off. For one really bad one he actually stole Sanzo's Gold Card. The priest didn't even know until the Three Aspects complained about his shopping spree. Sanzo had never really forgiven Gojyo for that. Gojyo then started from the beginning, with the debts. He just for some reason couldn't win enough to get out of the debt, and when he did win enough to pay some of it off, he would end up spending it on women and alcohol. In the end, Gojyo wasn't able to pay off the debts and in the effort to expedite the process, some gangsters went to threaten him. They didn't mean to shot and kill him, but they were new to the mafia, or whatever Gojyo owed money to. They freaked out when Gojyo saw them and they shot, right the chest, he bled to death in an alley. 

"You really were a perverted fool, you know that, right, Gojyo? Whenever you left Hakkai would tell you now to bet or drink or get roped into anything, but you always did. Why didn't you listen to him? Hakkai always knew what was best for you…."

            Goku turned the looked down the hill towards Chouan Temple and decided that whether he liked it or not, he really did need to start heading back. Goku took one last glance at Gojyo's grave and headed down the cobblestone path and out the gate. Just before he was about to re-enter the town, a saw three young monks sitting on a log by the side of the road.

"Probably from Chouan…"

The most elder looking of the trio saw Goku, waved and ran over to him.

"Ah, Goku-san, could I ask you for a favor?"

            Yes, they were definitely from Chouan, but whoever they were, alluded Goku.

"Uhh, Sure. What do you need?"

"Oh, well you see, Sanzo-sama asked us to come out and wash a few of the graves with Holy Water, and well," the monk looked so very embarrassed and Goku was certain he would accept the request out of pity, "I was wondering if you would help us carry the water up the hill."

            Goku stood there for a moment, expecting the monk to add something else to the request, but none came, and Goku agreed. There were eight containers to carry and the monks only gave him one. Goku, felt slightly offended. He was a youkai and they were acting as though they had asked Sanzo himself to help them. After a quarter of the way up the hill, Goku forced them to stop and the trio of monks was quite confused.

"Is something wrong, Goku-san?" One of them asked.

"Do you need a break?" the eldest asked and Goku glared in response.

"I'll carry all your containers. Give them to me."

"Oh no!" they all yelled together.

"We couldn't ask you to do that! It would be awfully rude." The eldest said.

"Well, your not asking, I'm telling you to. I'm a youkai. I fought the Demon Ox King. I think I can handle carry some water up a hill."

            They grudgingly agreed and just to prove to them he really could do it, he carried the water all the way to the first grave they were to clean. It was a grand, six foot tall, white tombstone. The grass around it was meticulously cut and there were piles of flowers, rice and other offerings around it. The only thing written on the tombstone was "Koumyou Sanzo". Goku had never wandered around the cemetery and was a little amazed that the grave of a Sanzo was here, and not in the temple itself. The monks began scrubbing at the already clean tombstone while Goku continued to stare. After a few minutes, the eldest of the cleaning monks, stopped and asked Goku what was wrong.

"Aren't the graves of the Sanzo kept on temple grounds?"

The monk was silent for a moment before shrugging his shoulder, "Yes, I'm not certain why this one is here. I think it's the only one, but I could be wrong." And he resumed cleaning.

            Goku began walking away from the grave, leaving the cemetery, and while doing so, he realized that Koumyou Sanzo's grave faced the main drag and Chouan Temple.

            When Goku actually did get back to the temple, it was pretty late and most of the monks were either finishing dinner or sleeping. Goku hated the meals at the temple. While he knew that monks threw away vanity and lived drab, vegetarian lives, he never understood how they could live on the little food they got. The head cook of the temple was an amazing chef, and every one knew it. He could have started a restaurant and become insanely rich, but he instead got happiness from cooking plain things for his fellow monks. Goku and the chef had a special agreement – since Goku was not a monk, he could eat whatever and how much he wanted. So if Goku made the appearance at the monk's dinner and ate dinner with them, a more complete meal would be made especially for Goku and delivered to his room at 11pm. Goku liked going to bed with a full stomach. It was nearly 11pm already and Goku decided that before eating his dinner, he would go check up on Sanzo – he had been gone almost all day after all.

            Sanzo was asleep, just as Goku expected him to be. He quietly sat down next to Sanzo's bed and promptly fell asleep.

            When Goku woke up, he had fallen over and was lying on his back. Sanzo was sitting at the small table in his room and reading the newspaper.

Sanzo turned his head, slightly, and said, "Goku,".

            Goku, immediately, sat up and scooted over the table, across from Sanzo.

"You should know that it's very creepy when you wake up in the middle of the night and all you can see is this silhouette of a person sitting by the side of your bed. I nearly hit you with the pot." Sanzo motioned to the tea kettle and then raised his newspaper.

            Sanzo and Goku sat in silence for a few minutes. While in the middle of reading an article on the back of the newspaper, Sanzo put it down and poured himself another cup of tea.

"I hear you helped some monks carry water up the hill by the cemetery."

"Uh," Goku was startled by this a little, "Yeah, I was there visiting Gojyo."

"If you keep helping people, then they will never be able to do anything on their own." Sanzo picked up his newspaper again.

Goku felt like he was being ignored, "Hey, Sanzo, how come Koumyou's grave is up with the other people and not in the temple?"

            Goku could see Sanzo tense up behind the newspaper. There was once again silence for many minutes.

"Ahh, sorry Sanzo. I shouldn't have asked," Goku stood up, "I'm going to go for a walk."

"He was a people person."

Goku turned around, "Eh? Did you say something, Sanzo?"

Sanzo put down the newspaper, "He liked people." He sighed, "I'm on the verge of death, and you keep going on day long walks. Now sit down."

Goku returned to the table.

"Koumyou Sanzo… my master, loved people and the people loved him. He didn't want to be far from them." Sanzo took a sip of his tea, "Goku, when I die, please make sure I'm buried up there too."

Goku laughed, "But Sanzo, you're not really a people person."

"No, but if I have to spend eternity buried in the ground with other corpses then I want to at least spend it with my master."

"Sanzo…." Goku picked at the hem of his shirt, "When I die… can I buried near you?"

"Goku…." Sanzo picked up his newspaper, "by the time you die, no one will but you will remember who Genjo Sanzo is and my tombstone will have long since eroded away. Odds are… you won't be able to find me."

Goku just kept picking at the hem.


	3. chapter 3

            Every day for the past 70 years, Goku had been collecting all the meaningless things he could find. No one, not even Goku, understood why he found useless things so interesting. Some of his items were cooking utensils, or gardening tools, even construction paraphernalia – Goku had it all. And he figured that as Sanzo's time in this world was coming to a close, so was Goku's at Chouan Temple. He had always felt that he was a burden to the monks, but Sanzo refused to let him move out. Goku figured that if he stayed at the temple after Sanzo died not only would he be an annoyance, but also a mooch. He had gone into town that morning and gotten some boxes and had begun to pack up his room. Goku knew that he couldn't stand to stay in this town after Sanzo died – there would just be too many memories. He figured he would do just the same things as Hakkai did when Gojyo died, which was travel. It's not like Goku had any real family to go stay with. While packing up his room, Goku had decided to make two piles out of his things: "keep" and "sell". When his traveling began, he would unfortunately not have Sanzo's Gold Card and would actually have to pay for everything himself. Finally, all of Goku's useless stuff had a purpose.

            Goku had been cleaning for most of the day, and a majority of that was spent creating the "sell" pile. He was working on the second-to-last shelf he had in his room, and was feeling pretty proud of himself for his efficiency when he stumbled across the most nostalgic thing any one would ever own: Goku's old diadem.

            When Goku changed from a diadem to the gauntlet, every one told him he didn't look as cool, but he figured they should be thanking him. On more that several occasions, both while going west and in Chouan Temple, Goku had awoken feeling very much in control of himself, but having an incredible bloodlust. The cause? A nearly fallen off diadem. Goku, like most people, rolled around a lot in his sleep and in the process his diadem would move around and sometimes, nearly come off. Goku decided that for the safety of every one around him, he needed to change his Youki Limiter. While the gauntlet would provide Goku with horrible tan line, it would be far better than having a piece of metal wrapped around your head. No one at all realized how uncomfortable it was and how impossible it was to get to sleep.

            And now that Goku was holding the most uncomfortable and unpractical Youki Limited ever created in his hand, all he could think about was the estranged God, Homura and his two lackeys, Shien and Zenon. Of all the people Goku had fought in his lifetime, Homura was the second strongest, right after the Demon Ox King. Every time he fought against Homura, Goku would be sore for days, but he had to deal with it, cause everyday they were being attacked by Homura, Kougaiji or random youkai that just wanted to eat Sanzo.

            When Homura had taken Goku from the fight in his own tower to use Seiten Taisei Son Goku's power to create his own world, it was the one time Goku remembered something while he was in that form. When Goku was lying on the floor, his own power being sucked out of him, he looked and saw the sun. Not **his sun, but ****the sun. Goku had never really cared about the real sun before, but when he looked up and saw the glowing golden orb, he knew what it was. And its beauty amazed him. But after just a few moments of the sun, everything went black, the Seiten Taisei Son Goku was in control and doing what he always did – fight. And the next thing Goku could see was his sun. Shining hair, violet eyes, pale complexion – Genjo Sanzo. **

            And Goku remember deciding to himself that while the sun was beautiful, his was better. The real sun was hot and if you looked at it too long, you got a headache. Goku's sun you could touch, you might get hit or shot at, but you could touch it.

            Goku stood up from his spot on the floor and carefully placed his old diadem in his backpack.

            Over the years of living by himself, Hakkai had become a monster for tradition and regularity. And while what he was doing was not regular, it was quite traditional. Goku had told him that Sanzo's illness had not been announced to the public, so Hakkai figured he would go say his final "goodbye" to Genjo Sanzo before the rest of the town was heading to Chouan Temple to do the same thing. So, Cho Hakkai was standing in front of the huge gates of Chouan Temple, holding a most beautiful, and expensive, bouquet, waiting for the monks to open the mighty gates. Hakkai had decided a long time ago that all monks, including Genjo Sanzo were paranoid. And the fact that some of the most famous temples were in the middle of no where, didn't really help them.

            Hakkai disliked going to the temple, it reminded him too much of his life as Cho Gonou. So of course, when he did go, it took the monks a short lifetime to realize that he wasn't going to kill them all. It was times like these that he envied Goku – not only was known at the temple (and therefore not a threat) but if the monks were taking a long time, he could just scale the wall. Hakkai had a bit too much self-respect to do that. And after the gates were opened, he had to be escorted into the temple to Sanzo's room. He figured he would just have to follow the frightened faces.

            When the screen to Sanzo's room was opened, the monk was already looking at Hakkai frowning.

"Now that you're here, we won't need to tell everyone I had a stroke. They'll all say, 'Oh, if Hakkai is going there, some one important **must **be** dying!'."**

            Hakkai laughed as he closed the door and sat down.

"You're so depressing, Hakkai. You brought flowers."

Hakkai was confused by Sanzo's behavior, and he'd been in the room for less than a minute, "What are you talking about, Sanzo?"

"You take flowers to Gojyo. You should have been something to eat. Comfort food."

            A monk came in with a small cup of tea for Hakkai, and also took the flowers to put them in a vase for Sanzo.

"I'm sure you know I talked to Goku."

"And I'm sure you know that Goku is avoiding me."

Once again perplexed, Hakkai just made a little grumbly noise.

Sanzo sighed, "He's either shut up in his room or out on a day long walk. It's like what you did after Gojyo died, but on a smaller scale."

Hakkai wanted to smack Sanzo for that, but he didn't, "Goku has never really had to deal with the death of some one as close to him as you are. He probably isn't sure of what he's supposed to do. Honesty, I'm not sure if I would know either."

"Youkai," Sanzo rolled his eyes, "You know how on the journey west, Goku was always so… clingy? 'Sanzo wait for me!', 'Sanzo, can I come?', stuff like that, you know?"

"Yes."

"I figured he'd do something like that. It just seemed appropriate to me for that to happen." 

"Sanzo, if you don't mind my asking…. What has happened between you Goku? It doesn't seem as much of his life is about you anymore."

            Sanzo stood up and went to his bookshelf and picked out a small, brightly colored book and then sat back down.

"Sanzo?"

"Just listen for a minute, Hakkai… When I first brought Goku to this temple after I saved him from Mt. Gogyo, he was so clueless. If he'd ever learned anything, he couldn't remember it for the life of him. I remember when I asked him what his name was…. It took him nearly an hour to remember. He'd been in there for so long…." Sanzo opened the book and flipped through a few of the pages, "He pretty much had to learn to read and write again. I had to dig up my old books that my master given to me when I was young. I was surprised I even still had them. He'd been here maybe…. Two weeks, shit, probably not even that long, and he drew this." 

            Sanzo pulled out a small sheet of paper and handed it to Hakkai. It was obviously a child's picture. Stick figures, smiling sun in the corner – things like that. In the picture there were to figures, Sanzo and Goku respectively. Goku was hugging Sanzo tightly around the waist and smiling, complete with long brown hair and daidem. Sanzo's eyes were red, but then colored over with purple, so they looked a little more evil than they should have. And Sanzo's face was definitely one of anger. There were flowers on the ground blooming, cloudless sky, shining sun – and Sanzo was pissed.

"When Goku drew that," Sanzo's sudden speech startled Hakkai, "I wasn't sure whether I should strangle him or go get smashed in a bar. He actually thought I hated him, or something to that effect. I know I'm not the nicest person, big deal, but …. For a kid to portray you like that, it's just depressing."

Hakkai handed Sanzo the picture, "What exactly is your point?"

"I think that from the moment Goku gave me that picture, we've started drifting apart." Sanzo put the picture back in the book, "Not very fast at first mind you. Before I met you or Gojyo and I had paperwork to do, Goku would sit behind my desk with me and just talk. I wouldn't pay attention, but I never told him that. When I had to go on a trip and Goku would say here, I'd come home and he would be waiting right by the gate for me. After the four of us killed the Demon Ox King," Sanzo tugged lightly on his sutra, "I've felt so tired. I don't have any energy. I'm too exhausted every day to argue my way out of doing something I hate. I'm just so tired, Hakkai. I'm going to die soon, very soon."

            Hakkai was starting to feel a little awkward.

"I'm dying and where the hell is my monkey?"

If Hakkai had been eating something, he would have choked and died right there, "your monkey?"

"I saved his life how many times? I think it's pretty fair to say that his life," Sanzo pointed to himself, "is mine."

            Hakkai was trying to find a way out of the room before something else was bizarre escaped the old monk's mouth.

Sanzo noticed this and smiled, "So, Hakkai, how have you been?"


	4. chapter 4

            As the days wore on towards Genjo Sanzo's death, more and more of the monk's time asleep became dedicated to vivid nightmares and disturbing flashbacks. If he didn't wake up screaming in the middle of the night, then he would be found praying early in the morning, having been there since late in the night. In the beginning, the temple elders and other monks begged Sanzo to rest more – they hoped it would speed up his recovery. But, whenever they started talking about things like that, Sanzo would protest simply by re-accounting, for every one to hear, the gruesome battles that he saw and participated in. After a few minutes, they would beg for him to stop.

            The body naturally needs sleep, so when Sanzo did fall asleep, it was never of his own accord. Sanzo preferred to fall asleep sitting up when he could, because then when he fell over, he'd wake up and wouldn't have to remember all the painful things in his life. On a few occasions, the monks had found Sanzo sleep walking around the temple, thinking that he was in the past and had to hunt down the Demon Ox King or Homura or some one else that was a threat to Tougenkyou.

            At the moment, the highly revered Genjo Sanzo was stumbling down the halls of Chouan Temple towards Goku's room. Sanzo had just been startled out a dream in which Goku and Homura were engaged in a most desperate and violent fight. The elderly monk was completely incoherent, and could not have told some one his name had they asked, but he was absolutely sure that Goku had been hurt and would need some one to help him back the jeep. His mind also reasoned that Hakkai and Gojyo were too busy fighting Shien and Zenon to help Goku.

            After navigating the halls of Chouan, Sanzo nearly fell through the screen of Goku's door before realizing you could just slide it open. Sanzo looked down and saw the stupid monkey passed out on the floor. Sanzo looked the room, checking it for Homura's presence, and when he didn't find any trace of it, he stepped in. Sanzo expected that Homura could return soon, and so he wanted to get the monkey and go - quick. The monk looked around his robes and patted himself down, but he couldn't find his Demon Exorcising gun and he wanted it more now than ever. But since it couldn't be found, Sanzo settled for his foot.

"Stupid monkey," Sanzo swiftly kicked Goku in the stomach. In reality, it was barely enough to wake Goku up, "You let Homura beat you?! What's wrong with you?"

Goku yawned and rubbed his eyes, "What are you talking about Sanzo?"

"Homura!!" Sanzo yelled.

            Goku sighed while he heard the monks near his room running to see what had happened. They opened the door, took one look at Genjo Sanzo, and closed it again.

"Did you drink some bad tea or something? Homura has been dead for nearly 70 years."

Sanzo grabbed the front of Goku's shirt, "What?"

"Homura. Dead. 70 years. You know that. Shouldn't you be asleep?"

            Sanzo promptly came back to reality and let go of Goku and the monkey proceeded to wrap himself up in his blankets.

"What's going on, Sanzo? Were you sleep walking or something?"

The monk looked around the room again and walked over to the window in Goku's room, "I guess so… how embarrassing. You know Goku, the last thing I saw in my dream, was you spitting up blood from where Homura punched you. I came all the way down here in the middle of night, totally sure you were bleeding to death, just to find you sleeping."

"Yeah," Goku sighed, "cause people never sleep at night."

Sanzo threw a glare at Goku, "Shut up, monkey. You should be glad I'm still so worried about you even though I'm dying."

            Goku's annoyed face, instantly turned to one of concern. He gathered up one of his blankets, stood up and joined Sanzo by his window.

"C'mon Sanzo," Goku tugged on the monk's sleeve, "I'll walk you back to your room." 

            The two stood there for a moment, and Goku was just about to repeat himself when Sanzo turned and looked at him. The monkey was confused for a minute until he realized that Sanzo's eyes weren't locked onto Goku's, but onto his forehead, where the diadem used to rest.

"Okay," Sanzo started walking of the room, "let's go."

            Goku and Sanzo walked down the halls calmly, as opposed to Sanzo's earlier search for Goku. The trip was done in complete silence. Neither party spoke, or seemed to have the will to. At Sanzo's room, Goku opened the door and helped tuck Sanzo into bed – Sanzo would have called it "assisting an old man". And after doing so, Goku sat down next to Sanzo's bed and wrapped himself up in the blanket he'd brought. 

Sanzo looked over and saw the smiling Goku, "What are you doing, monkey?"

"Well, it's been a long time since we've had a sleep over."

            Sanzo raised an eyebrow to Goku.

"Plus, this is only time I can scare you, Sanzo! You said it yourself."

            Sanzo shook his head before rolling over, away from Goku.

Goku laughed quietly, "Goodnight, Sanzo."


	5. chapter 5

            Most of the time, Goku was a very deep sleeper. It was near impossible to wake him up, unless you knew the certain "golden rules" to waking him. While bright lights, yelling and poking did little to help wake him, scents did wonders. Every morning on the way to the west, a fresh pork bun was used to wake Goku and often times Sanzo still used that method to waken Goku. The smell of food was pretty much the fastest way to wake him up, although there was one which could do it faster – smoke. Not cigarette smoke, he'd become too accustomed to it after living with Sanzo so long, but smoke from a fire could rouse the monkey youkai faster then anything else on Tougenkyou.

            And at this very moment, Goku was sprinting down the halls of Chouan Temple following the more than subtle smell of smoke.

            In his many years of being alive, Goku had learned to differentiate between the different kinds of smoke you could find, and right now, he was following the kind of smoke that belonged to fire. Goku could imagine great flames leaping over roofs of town and threatening the temple. The monks would run around like fools a while until he and Sanzo stepped up and took control  of the situation and…..     

            And to avoid running into said Sanzo, Goku was forced to throw himself over the rails and into the bushes of Chouan Temple. After pulling himself from the prickly bush, Goku tried to act cool but the cold glares of Sanzo and two of the temple elders really didn't help his act. Sanzo didn't really looked like he cared – actions like these were regular and excepted when you knew the monkey youkai – but the temple elders were furious.

"Goku!" the first yelled. He looked like he could kill Goku, which made the youkai relieved that he wasn't Sanzo.

"You can't run in the temple! How many times must we tell you this?!" the second screamed.

            Goku was considering running away. Angered monks were generally not good things. And if these two were this mad, then Sanzo would have his gun out and pointed at Goku's forehead already, safety off. Goku took a chance and looked at Sanzo.

            "He'll either help me or kill me…" Goku muttered.

            Sanzo was holding a small cup of tea, which he occasionally took sips from, and just looked back at the youkai. His face was blank and his posture normal.

            "Sanzo…. Are you going to kill me?"

            Sanzo snorted, "Where's the fire, Goku?"

Goku had been ready to run – very far and very fast – once he heard Sanzo's answer. But Sanzo, being the great monk that he his, answer a question, with a question. Instead of taking this chance to run away, Goku opted to answer his master's question. He pointed towards the main gate of Chouan Temple – where most of the smoke was coming from.

            "And do you know why there is so much smoke today, Goku?"

He shook his head.

Sanzo rubbed the bridge of his nose and motioned for Goku to follow as he started walking down the halls towards the main gate. As Sanzo walked down the halls, other monks instinctively got out of his way. And as Goku walked along a parallel path on the grounds of the temple, he had to dodge monks and try not to get his head cut off by trimming shears.

            That morning (it was now afternoon) the Chouan Temple had finally released the news that Sanzo had been a victim of an "attack" as they put it. The details of the monk's sickness were not told to the public, but nonetheless, the townspeople showed up in hordes to pray for the health and long life of Genjo Sanzo. Masses of incense and candles were being burned.

            Once Sanzo showed Goku the sight of the hordes of prayers, the youkai felt foolish. While there were a lot of candles and flames, he felt childish for causing such a ruckus over a few hundred small, burning candles and incense sticks. Goku looked up at Sanzo, planning to apologize. But he couldn't – not after seeing that pensive and confused face.

"Goku,"

"Ah, yeah?"

Sanzo handed his now cold tea cup to another monk, who was clueless what to do with the it, "Do you know why they're here?"

Goku sighed, "They're praying for your health." Goku was getting ready for one of those 'importance of life' talks Sanzo had started to like giving.

"Why?"

Goku was caught off guard by the simple question, "Why?... Why?! Cause you're Genjo Sanzo, that's why! What kind of a question is that!?" 

            Sanzo once again rubbed the bridge of his nose and pulled Goku away from the gate and the startled monks. Goku, still fuming, was pulled down the halls by the elderly Sanzo, all the way to the kitchen, which was deserted this time of the day. 

"Sit down, Goku."

"Sit down, Goku." The youkai repeated quickly as he and Sanzo both sat down.

Sanzo pulled out a cigarette and held it between his teeth, "I'm not that mean to you, so shut up."

Goku sighed and turned his head, "Aren't you going to light that."

Sanzo chewed on the filter, "You know just as well as I do, there's no smoking in the temple. But, there is no rule about having them."

            Goku glanced back at Sanzo, but returned his gaze to the wall after a few seconds.

"You're going to leave the temple after I die, aren't you?"

Goku quickly turned back to the monk, "Stop talking like you're going to die any minute now!"

"Why shouldn't I? And are you?"

"It's creepy, Sanzo! Don't talk like that any more." Goku turned away from Sanzo again, "…. And I was planning on leaving. It's not I'll have a reason to stay after you… you… ya know…."

Sanzo shook his head and snorted again, "Can't say it, Goku? Die. After I **die**…"

"Shut up, Sanzo!" 

            Goku abruptly stood up and left the kitchen. Sanzo continued to sit there, laughing inside himself over the silliness of Goku.

            The said youkai was, by now, back in his own room, laying on his stomach staring at the "sell" pile which still had yet to be sold. Goku hated feeling like this – weak, powerless and depressed. He knew that there was nothing he could do about Sanzo's condition and even though he knew that Sanzo had accepted his fate, Goku could not accept it. Goku felt foolish for running around like an idiot these past few days, ignoring Sanzo at all costs, but maybe if he was ignored, then he wouldn't die and problem would go away. Goku rolled over onto his back and threw an arm over his eyes.

"Why are you being so strange, Sanzo?"

"Because I can be."

            Goku was startled at the answer of his question and nearly summoned Nyoibou before he realized it was Sanzo standing in the doorway to his room.

"You're supposed to knock before you come into some one's room."

"Goku, I'm being strange because I can be."

            Goku just laid back down on the floor and pretended to ignore the monk.

"When people get old, they get strange. And when people are on the verge of death they get even stranger."

            Goku grabbed something off the floor, probably from the "sell" pile and threw it in the direction of Sanzo.

"Shit, Goku, your aim is really off."

"Go. Away."

Sanzo sat down next to Goku, "Can't an old monk spend time with one of his disciples? And don't say that you're not my disciple – I taught you, I fed you, I nearly raised you too."

            The pair sat in silence for more than 10 minutes. 

"Goku, am I a mean person?"

"Yes. Most definitely."

"Seriously. I want you to think about it for a minute."

            Another 10 minutes of silence passed.

"You aren't… so much mean as you are… cold. Rude. Anti-social. Unfeeling. Overly aggressive…"

"I get the point, Goku. But… When I'm gone… please don't hold all this animosity against me."

            It took Goku a few seconds to remember the meaning of 'animosity' from his lessons all those years ago and when he sat up to respond, Sanzo was gone. Goku looked around his room and his eyes fell upon the bag he had been packing. He crawled over to the bag and pulled out the old diadem. Goku traced the lines on the design with his finger.

"I could never feel that way, Sanzo…. Never. If I hated you, I wouldn't wait for you."

-------

a/n: wow.. can we say OOC? 

I'm sorry. Please forgive me. 


	6. chapter 6

As the days passed at Chouan Temple, the atmosphere of the place became more and more depressed. Even the most junior of the monks knew that Genjo Sanzo wouldn't last more than another day. Early yesterday evening, Sanzo had collapsed while reciting a sutra and the temple's doctor had determined that it was a re-occurance of his previous attack, although this time, it had been much stronger. Sanzo had been in bed since then talking with the elder monks and others that he wished to speak to before he finally passed. There was only on more person Sanzo had yet to talk to…

            Since Sanzo's latest attack nearly 33 hours ago, Goku hadn't slept or eaten. The idea that his precious sun would really die soon disturbed him more than monks had expected. Immediately after Sanzo's attack, Goku had tried to get into the enlightened monk's room and spend time with him, but the others… they said that when Sanzo called for him, Goku would be let in, and not a minute before that. Goku had returned to his room and waited. He sat by the window and stared at the door, willing a monk to enter.

            When the monk finally did, Goku thought it was a figment of his imagination. 

"Goku!" the monk had to shout to get Goku out of his daze, "Genjo Sanzo-sama is calling for you! Please, you must hurry, Sanzo won't…. he's going to.." the monk could barely get the words out of his mouth.

            Not that it mattered. Goku was already running down the hall towards Sanzo's room. For nearly a week, he had been telling Sanzo that nothing was going to happen. That he wouldn't die and everything would be alright. At Sanzo's room, the door was already open and when Goku appeared in the doorway all the other monks quietly stood up and left. The only one who remained, was the severely ill Genjo Sanzo.

            Goku stepped into the room and closed the door. 

"Ah, Goku," Sanzo's voice was barely a whisper, "I'm so glad… you've come. I was afraid… you might not."

"Of course I'd come." Goku sat down next to Sanzo, "How… how could I not come, Sanzo?"

"All my life Goku… I've heard your whiny voice. For as long as I can remember… and when I finally got up to that crappy little cave… I couldn't believe that tiny little creature was making all that noise in my head." Sanzo patted Goku's face, "You've really grown, Goku. You're not a child any more."

Goku rubbed at his eyes, trying to stop the tears, "Sanzo…"

"You make all your own decisions. You even… got rid of that diadem I always had to replace when you went crazy." Sanzo paused, "I'm worried, Goku. Even though you've grown, you still need some one to take care of you. Goku… I think… I think you should go stay with Hakkai. You'll both need some one… to stay with."

            Goku wasn't even trying to hide the tears anymore.

"Goku… I know that I made you wait for a long time. For 500 years… you sat there, alone, and waited for me. I swear Goku, I won't make you wait so long again."

"It doesn't matter…" Goku was hiccupping every so often because of his sobbing, "It doesn't matter, Sanzo! I'll wait… I'll wait for as long as I need to… it doesn't matter, Sanzo."

"Goku," Sanzo smiled and closed his eyes, "be sure not to die. If I went through all the trouble to come back and find you and you had gotten yourself killed, I'd be very… upset…… with you." 

            Sanzo's voice has disappeared by the end of the sentence and his light breathing stopped all together. Goku stayed next to Sanzo for a few more minutes before leaving. He walked two doors down to the doctor's room and woke him up.

"Ah…. What do you want, Goku?" he rolled over onto his other side.

"Sanzo died."

"Mhmmmm, died…. Yup."

Goku picked up the doctor by the back of his robe and threw him into the hallway, "Sanzo is dead."

            The doctor, now finally really awake, rushed down to Sanzo's room.

            The next morning, the temple released the awful news of Sanzo's death. Three times as many people showed up that day for Genjo Sanzo than the previous day. Goku had already gone out and pawned out the "sell" pile and now he only had two boxes and a bag left of items he wanted to keep. 

            When Goku returned to the temple, Hakkai was there, but said himself that he wanted Goku to finish everything he had to do before they left. Goku made sure to tell the elder monks that Genjo Sanzo wanted to be buried next to his master, Koumyou Sanzo. And after saying goobye to a few of the monks that didn't despise him, he and Hakkai left Chouan Temple.

            From the letter that Hakkai received from Sanzo just a day before his death, Hakkai was expecting Goku to stay with him. But the next day, when Hakkai woke up, Goku was already getting ready to leave. His two boxes were up in the attic and he was adjusting the straps on his bag.

            "You're leaving."

            Goku didn't stop, "Yes, I need to go wait for Sanzo."

            "That's fine. Do you want me to make you some snacks for your trip?"

            "No, Hakkai. That's alright." Goku turned around, "I'm going to go now."

            Hakkai smiled and walked up to Goku, "Anything Sanzo mentions, you take to heart. He'll have to recognize you in this." Hakkai tapped the diadem that was once again resting on Goku's forehead.

            "We'll meet again, Hakkai."

            "Of course, Goku! Of course."

            It took Goku 2 weeks to travel back to Mt. Gogyo. He never really got lost, most people knew the generally area where the secluded mountain was. The real trouble was finding his cave. Goku had spent 500 years there, and it took him 4 days of hiking around the mountain to find the cave he'd been trapped in. Talismans still covered the ground, walls and ceiling, and several of the rock bars were still in place. Goku set down his bag outside the cave and went in. Goku sat down on one of the larger flatter rocks and waited for his sun to return.


End file.
